Heard the one about Donald J. Trump returning to the White House as president come August?
And from which unimpeachable source did we hear that the twice-impeached former president would be re-presidented?
Why, the MyPillow guy, silly. And the former president himself, according to the New York Times.
The mainstream media have, to an admirable degree, ignored much of Mike Lindell’s inane pillow talk, leaving it to the propaganda arm of the GOP - Fox News - to parrot his claims. The real media are, though, in a tough position: report on Lindell and risk being labeled fearmongers – or ignore him and risk the opprobrium of a nation yelling “HOW COME YOU DIDN’T WARN US?” if Trump actually does through some act of prestidigitation return as a resident to1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Certain segments of the news media indisputably have a penchant for scaring the guacamole out of us for fun and profit. Remember the so-called Y2K calamity that was supposed to plunge humankind into chaos when computers crashed at midnight on Jan 1, 2000?
Then the media reported – with insufficient edification – that a key oil pipeline had burst, thereby sending millions to simultaneously fill up their automobiles’ gas tanks, thus creating a panic-induced gas shortage.
That overshadowed the simultaneous report that America is – EGADS! – running out of chicken.
That one was aimed specifically at me, no doubt. Want to really scare me concerning food, though? Just credibly report that we’re running out of grits. Or grape Now & Laters.
Not content with frightening millions with the possibility of a barnyard pimp shortage come Sunday dinner, some in the fringe media have begun megaphoning Trump’s and Lindell’s MAGA claim. The latter said he would present to the Supreme Court evidence so overwhelming that the justices would reinstall his man.
Of course, this is the same dude who claimed his pillows would give you the best night’s sleep of your life: all they gave me was a sore neck.
How can you tell the true believers?
Come August, they’ll be the ones sitting in the pumpkin patch with Linus Lindell, awaiting the reappearance of the Great Pumpkin on the White House balcony.
As if President Biden hasn’t changed the locks.
Trump in real life has as much chance of being reinstated as I have of performing that Yurchenko Double Pike vault that Simone Biles recently did, but the idea has great entertainment potential. Imagine a TV sitcom in which DJT tries to return to the White House waving an eviction notice signed by William Barr. (I know, I know.)
Ladies and gentlemen, The Oval Office Odd Couple:
On Nov. 3, 2020, Donald J. Trump was asked to remove himself from his place of residence: that request came from the American people – 81 million of them, anyway.
Deep down, he knew they were right, but he also knew that he could trick millions upon millions of Americans into believing that someday he would return.
Can two philosophically opposite men share the White House without driving each other crazy – and the country into the ground?
Many of us are tempted to laugh at the prospect of so many gullible Americans willing to suspend their disbelief and buy into the pillow guy’s pipe dream.
We dare not, though, because if history and my neck – and Jan. 6 - have taught us anything, it’s that we can’t be caught napping on what Lindell’s peddling.
If you thought Pillow Talk was merely Sylvia's super sexy Soul song from the
seventies, think again: Coming soon, you'll hear a whole new take on that classic being sung by Lindell and Trump.