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Here's what they should've named that royal young 'un.

May 9, 2019

      I like peanut butter and soda crackers. I really do. 

 

      While working at Sandhurst Hosiery Mill in

Rockingham, I'd whip up a batch of those bad boys before work and stuff them in all of my pockets to snack on, since I could never last until lunchtime without eating and I was danged if I was going to spend a whole quarter for six little bitty Nabs from the vending machine.

      (If you ever purchased a pair of L'eggs Control Top pantyhose with Peter Pan smudged on the toe - sorry.)

      Good thing peanut butter and soda crackers are nutritious and filling, since it appears that is what I'll be eating for awhile after losing my lunch money.

      So certain was I that I knew what Meghan Markle and Prince Harry were going to name their son that I bet big on it.

      Archie? Who could have suspected Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor? 

 

     Not I. 

      "Archie" didn't even make my top 50. Keanu did. Prince made my list - no. 29 - because I thought the royal couple seems like a fun pair and figured they would get a kick out of introducing their son as "Prince Prince." 

      In America, Archie is associated with a socially inept and ageless comic book character or with a socially inept television character named Archie Bunker. It's easy to forget, then, that one of the coolest men ever was named Archie - Archie Leach.

      Of course, first chance he got he changed it to Cary Grant.

      Question: Would Grant have been as cool, suave, sophisticated had he kept his government name?

       No. What was it the Noble Bard asked: Would a rose by any other name smell as sweet?

      Traditional names such as Arthur, Albert and James were the ones bettors in Vegas and across the pond favored. But since this was a tradition-eschewing couple, I figured they'd veer to the left.

      What name for the royal progeny did I put my money on, then?

      Rollo.

       That's right: I was sure that Harry, who seems like a really decent chap most of the time, could persuade Meghan to name their firstborn in honor of the greatest sidekick in television history, Rollo "Ain't you Rita Lawson's boy?" Lawson of Sanford & Son fame.

      Rollo, who was portrayed by actor Nathaniel Taylor, was Lamont's wingman on all kinds of wacky missions that usually ended up going awry, and Fred always blamed him for leading Lamont astray.

"Here they come - Rollo and Follo," Fred exclaimed more than once. 

 

The scant attention accorded Taylor's death in March was in no way commensurate to his impact on pop culture, so naming the royal young 'un in his honor would have been fitting.

      In a Huffington Post interview, Jennifer Moss, founder and CEO of some company called BabyNames.com, sniffed archly “I would have preferred that they had given him a formal name like Archer or Archibald, but it’s a cute English name.”

      Gee,  Jen. I'm sure Harry and Meghan simply forgot to consult with you before naming their baby.

     Archie, the 17th most popular boy's name in England, means “genuine,” “bold” and “brave.”

      Rollo, the third most popular name for boys in the Watts section of Los Angeles, means "What are you - about a 42 Long? I can get you a good deal on a suit at Tyrone's House of Couture over on Crenshaw."

      Nationally, "Rollo" never caught on the way I thought it would, but while perusing the obits a couple of years ago - when you get older, you'll understand - I ran across a man whose first and middle names were "Rollo Lamont."  Without even looking, I knew he had to have been born in 1973, months after Rollo and Lamont were introduced to the world.

      Now, that's a royal-sounding name: Rollo Lamont Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor.

      It's also a name you'd want in your class at school: by the time the teacher finishes calling the roll, it'll be time for lunch.

 

 

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